Let’s be honest. There’s nothing sexy or romantic about infertility. Trying to conceive may have started out as something fun and spontaneous, but over time and with each failed pregnancy test, the romance can begin to dwindle. It’s very easy to forget one of the main reasons you are trying to have a baby: your love for each other!

Valentine’s Day does not need to be stressful. It can be a great opportunity to get in touch with yourself, your body and your partner, if you have one. If you’re attempting parenthood as a single parent, then this might be the ideal time to smother yourself with self-love. If you have a partner, remember that Valentine’s Day is not about kids or family. It’s about celebrating the love you and your partner have for each other.

Midsection of a romantic couple sitting on a bench

If you are not exactly feeling the love this Valentine’s Day, here are a few ways to rekindle the romance. .

Rekindle body love
Even without undergoing infertility treatment, women can have low self-esteem about their physical imperfections. Infertility patients, especially women, can feel betrayed by their bodies, like their bodies have failed them and their partner. Their inability to conceive and nurture a baby makes them feel like less of a woman.

Take a moment to think about all the amazing things your body allows you to do and focus on the parts of your body that make you unique. Set aside some time to do something indulgent: get a massage, manicure or both. Maybe this is the year to get a makeover with a new haircut, color and makeup. Retail therapy and a new look can be another way to boost your confidence. These are all easy strategies that will make you feel instantly better about yourself and your body.

Nurture your mind and soul
Realize there is more to you than becoming a parent. Have you always wanted to explore a new hobby, such as yoga or a cooking class? You could even entice your partner (or a friend) to join you for a bonding experience. Focus on your strengths or special skills, as well as the time and resources you have now that you might not have once you become a parent.

It’s important to limit stress as best you can. Though it’s not entirely clear how much of a role stress plays in infertility, finding stress-reducing techniques that work for you will help you better cope with the challenges and emotions of undergoing fertility treatment and, hopefully, enjoy Valentine’s Day more this year. Meditation, yoga, exercise, acupuncture, or joining a support group are all effective ways of clearing your mind and keeping stress at bay.

Connect as a Couple in a Fertility-Free Zone
Use this time to do something special together as a couple. Even if you don’t believe it today, someday you will become a parent and it won’t be as easy to set aside special couple’s time. Focus on the things you love about your partner and what you have been through together. Try not to talk about infertility or baby plans or at least set limits on the conversation. Here are a few ways to reconnect with your partner.

Try the little things.

  • Write a sweet love letter or note and secretly put it in your partner’s purse or briefcase so they can find it later.
  • Send beautiful flowers ‘just because.’ You don’t have to wait for a holiday to give your partner flowers and let them know how much you love and appreciate them.
  • Draw a relaxing bubble bath with candles and give your partner a soothing massage or foot rub.

Schedule a date night.

  • Go out to a nice dinner and pick a place that won’t have children.
  • Plan a little weekend getaway for just the two of you. If you can’t get away, pick a night to just stay home, order takeout, and watch a movie together.

Try something new together.

  • Find a new restaurant, plan a new adventure or destination, or try a new activity, such as hiking or surfing. Experiencing something new together may help take your minds off of infertility and allow you to just be in the moment and enjoy each other’s company.

Remember, one in seven couples faces infertility and you are not alone. Though no amount of candy, flowers or jewelry can compare to the ultimate gift of having a baby, infertility doesn’t have to zap Cupid’s arrow. With some planning and creativity, you can make this Valentine’s Day one you will look back on fondly.