Young couple showing affection in bedroom.You have the green light. Ovulation is imminent. All signs, basal body temperature chart, cervical mucus consistency and the ovulation stick confirm it, too. The time is right for conception. But you’ve been in infertility treatment for a while, so your desire (the spark) isn’t exactly burning as bright as it once did.

It’s common for couples that have been in fertility treatment for a while to admit that sex doesn’t have the same spark it did before treatment. When you just had sex because you wanted to, it was a lot more fun. No one was wondering if they read the thermometer wrong or if they had their dates off.

The truth is that sex for conception in infertility treatment becomes a much more precise act. It’s no surprise that it can feel forced at times and less sexy than the romps you had before you were trying to conceive.

But infertility treatment doesn’t have to douse the spark of your romantic life with your partner. There are many ways to keep the connection vibrant and fun between you, even when you have to time it just so and perform on demand.

Perhaps the most important thing I have picked up from my years of helping couples struggling with infertility is that the happiest couples in fertility treatment are the ones that are a team. Being a team means communicating, discussing plans, agreeing to a course of action together, exchanging ideas and opinions, and sharing feelings without fear of judgment.

So aside from the antics and ideas that you will find with a quick Google search, I believe my patients will be best served by talking about what’s happening romantically. Discuss the feelings you have about what sex is becoming, where you are as a couple and how you can address your concerns. Listen closely to one another, and make good use of “I feel” statements, which tend to express your feelings rather than assign blame.

Many people have been through the journey you are on right now. I see all kinds of relationships and many different reactions to infertility treatment. While each case is individual, some of the trials are universal. Infertility treatment has negative effects on many couples’ spark.

It is a universal truth that the ones that keep the spark alight, that hang on to the romance they had together before infertility treatment, are the ones that talk to each other about their feelings. Terms like conception and ovulation come into play, but they still take second stage to the two things that matter most: your partner and the feelings that made you want to be parents together in the first place.


Adrienne, L.C.S.W., Helen. “Has Infertility Trashed Your Sex Life?
Read how you can find opportunity in adversity.” 24 March 2011. Web. 18 January 2013.

Gurevich, Rachel. “How to Improve Your Sex Life When Trying to Get Pregnant.” 22. January 2012. Web. 18 January 2013.