Conflict Between CoupleThe emotional journey when you are trying to conceive through fertility treatment is often referred to as a roller coaster. No couple struggling with infertility will tell you differently. For many patients, the emotional rigors can be harder than the physical ones.

At some point in treatment, either you or your partner might decide you want to get off the roller coaster. However, if one of you doesn’t agree, this situation can create even more difficult emotional challenges. What should you do when one person is ready to quit trying to conceive through fertility treatment and the other isn’t?

Here are some ways to negotiate terms of your fertility treatment duration with your partner:

  • Determine your limits. Oftentimes in fertility treatment, we end up progressing the treatments. We start with the easiest treatments, and depending on what we learn or encounter, we move on to the next. It’s a great idea to discuss with your partner how far you want to go with treatment. This end point can vary, so healthy discussion will help everyone agree as far as what is and what is not on the table.
  • Set a budget. Most fertility treatments are not covered by insurance. That means couples that are trying to conceive through fertility treatment are often paying for it out of pocket. Some choose to finance their treatment; others pay from their savings. Like all financial decisions, you need to decide as a couple what you are willing to spend on your fertility treatment before you call it quits.
  • Agree on your goal. The obvious answer here is to get pregnant. However, there are some variables to consider. Do you want to get pregnant to pass on your genetics, or do you want to be a parent to a child? Is being pregnant important to you, or are you content with having a healthy child using another person’s uterus for the pregnancy? How do you feel about donors? Once you determine what is important to you, it will make it easier to decide what to do as a couple as you progress through treatment.
  • Assess your health. Even after you discuss all of these factors, you might notice that the fertility treatment is taking a toll on your partner. It’s difficult sometimes to admit that mentally or physically you have had enough. That’s why it is important for your partner to notice your present state. It could be pertinent to take a break to let your body and mind rest. Agree to a time period, and then set a time to discuss going back to treatment.

Couples all go through a lot emotionally and physically during fertility treatment. Trying to conceive can be challenging for couples that are struggling with infertility, even with the help of a fertility specialist. It is important that the couple agrees about important aspects of their treatment, so they have the best foundation for success.


Rouff, PhD, Lisa. “The End of the Line?” Making the decision to end infertility treatment” 20 October 2012. Web. 10 March 2015.

“Making the Decision to End Fertility Treatment.” Web. 10 March 2015.

“Handling Common Relationship Problems” Web. 10 March 2015.